I'm here to discuss a topic I took a lot of flack for writing about last time, chastity. If you haven't read the old post , I suggest you take a peek at it before reading the post I am writing today. I wanted to take a moment a few years later to discuss and clarify my perpectiv eon chastity. First, sompe people I know were offneded because they have supposedly had these carefree flings and they were perfectly happy and alright with haveing several sexual partners. I have also been criticized for being close minded and judgemental.
I find it funny that when sex is being shoved down our throats on a consistent basis by society and celibate individuals are made fun of no one interprets that as judgmental. However, if someone brings up chastity and celibacy people are automatically offended. It's not my goal to name call or make people feel bad, but I do have a right to my perspective. Just like others have a right to theirs.
I'm writing about chasity because it's rarely discussed in an open forum. It's as if it's some sort of dirty secret to be kept from the masses or something to be made fun of. Being chaste doesn't make you a prude. It doesn't amke you simple or naive. It's also not about deprivation. It's a personal choice. It's a journey about self reflection. It's about being true to who you are and about making sure you engage in sexual conduct when the conditions are right-right person, timing, reasons ect. Now there is no such thing as a "perfect" way to go about things and I certainly am not the most experienced when it comes to matters of the loins, but I am only human. I understand urges, desires and lust just as everyone else does. I just make a decison not to allow those urges, desires and lust to control my life. Maybe they do. If they do, I'm not aware of it.
It isn't worth it to succumb to those desires for a variety of reasons. Some of these reasons stem from comfort, other are based in moral/religious logic. I believe at the forefront, it comes from my belief that sex is special. In my opinon if something is special it is not easily shared or diven away. But then again, that's just me.People may feel that because I believe in celibacy, chasity and abstinance that I am in some way closeminded. Just the oppoisite. I am exposed to quite a bit and open to quite a bit...again , on the right set of terms. This is a modern day chastity -not one of old complete with padlocked chastity belts and a tight grip on female sexuality. This chastity is voluntary and in my opinon, quite empowering.
I'm very in touch with my sexual pulse. Very in touch with my desires and what I want out of a partner. It is my belief I wouldn't be if I had engaged without being ready...without it being on my own terms. Without waiting. It's not that I think casual sex is harmfull per se, but I do think it can be dangerous. I've seen many a friend have her self-esteem or worth diminished by casual sex because deep down they wanted more than they were getting. They felt shortchanged. They regretted it. I don't think I've met anyone who regretted waiting. Doesn't mean they don't exist, I'm just saying I haven't met them. Of course there are days of frustration and temptation-afterall sex is a natural thing. Still, I feel that sex has been unecessarily elevated in importance in society and rarely do we take the opportunity to explore the other side of things. I'm just fighting for it to be a viable option. An option that is not ridiculed or ignored.
I applaud Ms. Eden, author of Thrill of the Chaste for her honesty. Her expereinces and feelings may not be yours but I can guarantee you hers mirror many girls who have these casual relationships only to ask "will you love me tomorrow?"The answer is almost always a resounding "No". In my humble opinion, it sends the message that you are good enough for carnal pleasure, but not a deep and loving relationship. That is a hard pill to swallow. At least from my perspective it is.
Have sex. Don't have sex. I guess it just comes down to what your reasons for particpating or not particpating are. If they are for any reason other than what is right for you and your well being then you aren't helping yourself. Chastity or being sexually active for the sake of it, is probably the biggest waste of all. I want it to be clear that I am not anti-sex. I'm just saying it's not the end all be all and the decison to engage shouldn't be taken so lightly. If it's not for you, then its just not for you. But at least consider it.
~Till next time,